The Joy and Sadness of Missing Out

The beginning of the year always marks a time of reflection for me. Maybe, it is the coldness of the season that keeps me going inward in January. Maybe, it’s having a distinct and marked new beginning. Whatever the reason, I find myself evaluating and thinking about how I want to live this precious life. 

This year, my thoughts have centered around connection.  We are faced with a paradox in this time and place: more ways to remain connected and disconnected.  I’m grateful for the tools that help me to stay in touch with people across town, across the states, and across the world. Yet, there are also times when this constant state of virtual connection only breaches the surface of true connection. I’m interested in using social media as a tool. However, I am worried that it sometimes becomes a crutch. Time that could have been spent being intentional becomes a haphazard scroll through instagram. 

I love losing track of time. I love wandering mindfully through the woods. I love scenic drives where I stop at every single possible free little library. However, social media is not the place where I want to lose track of time. My spirit craves for more than a glance into the tiny boxes that we put our lives in. My body craves for more movement, more dancing, more singing, instead of scrolling the pane of glass on my phone.  I want to experience the big beautiful mess of our shared human existence. 

As a result, this year, the little off button on my wifi router is getting more use than ever before. Each night, I walk up and turn it off. I navigate to the settings on my phone and turn off data. I turn off all the overhead lights in my house. I turn on lamps. My candlestick collection is growing.  In the past, I have talked about unplugging but experienced resistance.  My fingertips always mysteriously made it over to the instagram or facebook icon. Maybe that is why, this time around, I physically have to shut everything off. Amidst it all, I’m finding the joy of missing out and connecting to my own company again.

The thing is, there are plenty of things I actually feel genuine sadness missing out on. I want to be part of heartfelt conversations over tea. I want to experience every eye twinkle, smirk, laughter and tear. I want the people in my life to answer the question “How are you?” with honesty. I want to experience as much of life as possible. I want to truly feel my toes in the sand and the ocean gracing my ankles. I want to read and write poems with something else besides my mind. I’m reminded that I am water and my thirst for life is natural.  Therefore, I won’t apologize for occasionally having a fear of missing out.

For me, part of experiencing life fully, means being a part of a community. It means venturing away from the comfort of my dimly lit home. It means questioning what it means to connect beyond the surface of things. It means being able to fully experience my joy, sadness, and fear as well as being present for someone else’s. 

This year, I’m wishing us all- connection: with ourselves, our communities, our families (chosen and/or biological) and our friends. 

I’m grateful for this tool to be able to connect with you all. Grateful for you taking the time to listen, read, and ponder with me. Let’s get lost wandering through words together.

What ways are you connecting? Leave a comment or send me an email & let me know.